Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
