i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
