I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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