i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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