whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
