i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When are your genitals available?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
