omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
