and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
