All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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