he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
