You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
