yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
