we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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