He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
