I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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