Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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