My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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