Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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