he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
