you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
