Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
