bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
