I didn't shave. On purpose
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
