Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
