i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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