Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
