woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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