my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
