He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
