Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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