He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
