I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
