You really coming over, don't trick.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
