All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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