you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
