i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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