I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
