Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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