i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
