I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
