college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You can't just leave with hair like that
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
