It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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