Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
