you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
