You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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