Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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