You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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