I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ugly people sure do ruin things
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
