allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
