i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
