real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
