I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
