he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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