Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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