I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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