I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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