She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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