I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm really busy with my period
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