i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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