Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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