Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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