In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
