you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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