Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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