at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
