sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
