I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
